The Word of the Day is “Smurfs”

For years my wife and I have had this way of saying “this is my issue” when we are catching strong emotional reactions to something that kicks our fight instincts into high gear.

“Old Smurfs”? ( Aside from the fact that we are the same age and this was one of our favorite Saturday morning cartoons as kids), I wrote this as a word of the day shortly after we met because we had a lot of baggage having both come out of 20 year marriages, old fights we instantly pinned on the other the moment something even resembling it popped up… We called these sudden reactions “stepping on old Smurfs” after I wrote this word of the day for her.

Here is the original “Word of the Day” from only a couple months after we met:

An odd source of inspiration for a word of the day I would say, however we discussed the idea of the word not mattering as much as the idea of you and the inspiration you give me to create something beautiful that expresses what you mean to me…  The Smurfs are an interesting band, and somehow do in fact relate to us…

These little blue creatures exist as facets of the human psyche… Each one assigned a specific emotion and human trait or necessary job.  Jokey with inappropriate humor that often hurts others without intent.  Clumsy who by no true fault of his own, his carefree distracted and upbeat personality always causes calamity and disaster which he feels terrible about.  Dreamy, who’s always lost in his own little world, frequently forgetting to complete a task or failing to fulfil his duty.  Greedy smurf who takes without giving back… he cares for his family, yet his own needs become more important… Vanity who gazes longingly at his own reflection and sees no beauty in the world apart from himself.  Liar who’s constant need for hyperbole sends him into spirals of lies to cover lies until his house of cards crumbles and to save the day he must admit the truth… Panicky, who’s constant overreacting to situations causes more problems than he solves, who’s fear and neurotic nature drive him and all those around him into a state of constant high energy frantic avoidance… and Weepy, who is either so depressed about life’s little problems that he is miserable, or is so overjoyed he is moved to tears at every turn.  Each one of these creatures representing the id and ego of human emotion or pleasure seeking and avoidance drives, are entirely lovable, each one of them entirely predictable, each one has strengths that allow them to help and even save the others… Each capable of providing needed levity, or insights, entertainment, or relief.  Smurfette, a nurturing figure in their lives who provides them with a muse, a “raison d’etre”, she is often the catalyst for them uniting in action, the reason to put their own lives on the line and risk everything. 

Papa Smurf acting as the proverbial superego overseeing each of these little demons and angels with compassion, patience, love… Papa is capable of loving each and every one of them for exactly who they are without trying to change them… He coaches them, and tunes their skills, attempts to channel their strengths into positives, and when they cause a mess he helps them clean that mess up.  He is kind, loving, gentle and understanding… and even he has moments of weakness, where he becomes frustrated, and his controlled anger comes out.  In the end he finds the little ones whose feelings are hurt and embraces them and tells them he is sorry, and shows them love once again.  

Yesterday scaredy Smurf came knocking at the door of your mind listing all the ways I could hurt you.  He told you that he thought you should run away, and while the idea was laughable, panicky smurf had his back all the way begging and pleading with you.  I met those as papa would have… with love, understanding, respect, honor… promised to keep them safe… helped them see that not everything that COULD hurt us WOULD…

The reason I chose “SMURF” as our safe-word as we embark on life’s risky adventures… is to remind us that in moments of distress, all our emotions are facets of us… all of them evolved to save us, protect us, help us overcome our trepidation and our pain, act as armor to shield us, and even force us into action when our conscious mind has shut down in fear.  Each of them is a member of the family of our soul, and worthy of love.  I want us both to be able to use this word when one of our inner-smurfs is banging at the door and too noisy for us to ignore… I want to isolate that emotion, listen to it, appreciate what it is trying to tell us, validate it as real and necessary and recognize the risk that it is pointing out as REAL and TRUE…  Assess if this is one of those times when we should listen to our little blue inner Smurf and exit a situation that could in some way make that poor little blue guy damaged.  So we can sit down with him and comfort him, and let him know that our love will survive or thank him for helping to protect it.  I never want an army of smurfs at the door of our minds saying “I told you so”.  We should always listen, never ignore…  

Most importantly we should love each and every cute and cuddly one of them equally, recognize their shortcomings and their faults, as no single emotion or trait should ever get all of our focus, but each deserves our time and effort.  We should always be patient with them even when we don’t want them around, like little children crying at our door when we would rather be swimming in pleasure…  Your Smurfs all matter to me, each and every one of them as important as the others… I will try to never discount them. I will try to never be angered by them.  I will try to never wish they weren’t there or be frustrated by them.  I will listen to every Smurf of your heart with patience and kindness… you will never need to hide them from me, or pretend they don’t exist… no moment in life will ever be more important than your hundred little blue demons.  They don’t need to be squashed, or hunted down, or killed, or used and manipulated… they just need to be understood, validated, and sometimes heeded. 

I will honor all the pieces of your heart, mind, and spirit as a protector of the elements that make up this beautiful creature that I love all of.  I will listen with intent, and I will act without resentment, I will leave any pleasure behind for the security of your soul. Nothing matters more to me than that.