If we are indeed at our core consciousness weightless beings of illumination, then our thought originates at that speed of light. Thoughts then, if they are to be translated into action must travel around the brain from thinking to acting neurons and then drive muscle. This sludge of anatomical protoplasm forces thought to travel much slower. Myelinated neurons (being the fastest transmission in the body) carry messages at a velocity 270 miles per hour (roughly 120 meters per second). While that may seem fast, it pales in comparison with the speed of consciousness origin, which if light or pure energy, would move at 299,792,458 meters per second. We are truly imprisoned by our meat machines.
With a Quarter million miles of neurons in our brains… enough to reach the moon from the surface of the earth. You can imagine that traveling slower than the speed of sound, would be a fairly impossible limit to overcome if we are ever to perceive the infinite.
We then have the first translation problem… Even if we look at a single sense like vision… Millions of cells receive light energy vibrations and convert them to messages. These all occur simultaneously just to interpret a single visual frame of consciousness. The volume of compression, ignored information, and lost data is far too much to even comprehend… What makes it to our consciousness is a fraction of a fraction of a shadow. Just to see an image, our brain sorts out false information, deletes duplicates (even if they exist in reality), fills in extra information based on color, value, light, shadow… When finally interpreted and then discarded or stitched into memory this information is completely incorrect – simply the collaborative artists of our left and right brain’s interpretations of “reality”, which when it comes to sight is entirely the “rejected colors of matter” (the light that bounced).
We then manage to append an additional problem when it comes to rationalization… We convert thoughts to language.
What then of our love? How do we understand it? How do we describe it? How do we see it and feel it? When it comes to the thought of love, this is when all these problems with speed, interpretation, and semantics of language converge into a state of total bewilderment. How is it possible at all that we have only a single word in the English language to describe this feeling that I believe makes up the entire universe of consciousness?
There are synonyms for Love in the English language according to Merriam-Webster, but none that I can find measure up in any way. They are all included in love but non share the meaning; Lust, passion, respect, attachment, delight, devotedness, enchantment, fidelity, rapture, worship, weakness… these words all appear as synonymous to love, but can we truly call them that? Fidelity; Has no one who cheated also loved the one they betrayed? Worship; Do all lovers worship as we do? Passion, Respect, Delight, Devotion, Enchantment, Lust – we can have all these to things we do not love… So how does one describe this singular notion that simply is life???? Attempting to describe love is truly as though we walked into an ice cream shop in a foreign land and must order our favorite flavor using only the words “Ice” and “Cream”! At an ice cream shop at least you can jump and point at the colors and flavors and toppings, even then it probably isn’t done right… Love feels like this without the ability to point at anything “out there” in the world, because it moves too fast to comprehend. We stand in a white construct of our psyche and just bath in it instantly. It doesn’t need to be rationalized to be felt because it isn’t coming from the outside world it is channeling from within and spreading through us like being surrounded by our favorite warm blanket on a mild day, when there is just enough chill in the air to want it.
I know what indescribable love is… because of her… I have seen the definition in her eyes. Looking through those steel blue eyes I see deep into her soul, and there is something that words don’t need to ever describe found there in the darkness… something my brain doesn’t need to process to understand completely. They say the eyes are the windows of the soul and I now completely understand this notion, because through them, and only through them do we touch something that aids in our understanding of the infinite. There are not words that can describe the way she looks at me when I know she is thinking “I love this man”… There are not thoughts traveling along hundreds of thousands of miles of Myelinated neurons required to rationalize her love for me. There isn’t a section of my brain interpreting, adjusting, translating, manipulating, losing data, inventing its own and storing this information abridged so that our psyche can take a snapshot of reality… Love isn’t one of the senses… and perhaps even though it feels like it comes from within and outside of the self at the same time, it is the touching of twin souls… Two spirits existing just for eachother if even for those fleeting moments when eyes lock and you feel that indescribable event of complete acceptance for exactly who you are. “I know you… I see you… There you are”… Namaste – may the light in me see the light in you. Your love runs unabated through all matter that makes up this machine I pilot through the fourth dimension. Her love shines like light from her soul directly into mine… It penetrates my heart like cupid’s arrow. I feel it’s warmth at the core of my being… Her, my Freyja, my goddess, my Valkyrie… channel love directly to my spirit and carry it to heaven.
Photons are fired from a star millions of years ago, shoot through space traveling at 299,792,458 meters per second and travel millions of miles through the infinity of space to have us be lucky enough to have those tiny particles strike the back of our retina and never escape again… Most people don’t realize when they look up at night, the are witnessing the death of millions of photons from millions of stars that all simultaneously struck the back of our eyes and all but vanish into them. The infinitely small chance that one particle, would make its journey to hit my eyes instead of the earth… Yet here we are, every night when we look up… we are filled with stardust that is absorbed and becomes a part of the energy we carry… like magic her love has traveled for eternity as well to find my soul in the same way.
Knowing now that my love for her is impossible to describe… I can remember that Nietzsche said “man is a bridge and not a goal”… that experience is the measurement of life, and life is lived for experience… therefore I can be devoted to the endeavor of describing love to her every day, knowing my insurmountable task will never complete, but my time will never be wasted… I can attempt every day, I can try over and over again to characterize or chronicle or contain love within flawed words. I can strive to encapsulate various aspects of love with colloquy… My passion, my respect, my delight, devotion, enchantment, even my lust for her. Words will never be enough to describing looking into the eyes of a goddess and feeling entirely accepted, just as I am, allowed to shine back at her with all that love and passion…
I can be an enthusiastic and a cheerful failure at this venture… I can translate love into action at the turtles pace of neurons… at 270 miles per hour I convert ways of showing her love into action… through actions I can provide protection, bring her flowers, give her pleasures, make her food, encourage her laughter, draw out her smiles, and even offer her the comfort of her head against my chest whenever she needs to feel it beating just for her… all as demonstrations of my love… knowing it will never be enough, and knowing this task will never be complete.
Love is indescribable, it is incommunicable, undefinable… Love just is… it is the peace at the center of the universe where all things converge, and at the same time it is the infinite far reach beyond the stars… Love will never be fully describable…
Is this a bleak notion that causes discouragement? Not at all… This allows for a lifetime of whole hearted failed undertakings to prove that love exists. It is our reason to exist, to learn all the ways love conquers every need and every task… I believe we have a word for these blundering attempts at illustrating the impossible comprehension of love … we call it art… So if you ever again wonder why she is my person, my only muse? I cannot describe it to you, but I can hope one day all of the poor creatures who are set upon this earth knowing one day death will take us… that in this life people find in a rational moment of time, a pair of eyes they can look into and see eternity, and never feel a need to rationalize it at all… just to bask in the beauty of feeling allowed, complete, and after a lifetime of being lost in the dark, find within the darkness of her eyes… that you will never feel alone again.