The human condition given the grand scope of the universe is the knowledge of our Ephemeral nature… Our impermanence, our transience … The fact that we are here for but a microcosm in the grad picture of the linear timeline… A fraction of a fraction of a thought in the mind of the Buddha consciousness… A single eye lash that exists for a single blink. A glimmer in the eye of god… How can we possibly matter?
The physical universe is a tangled web of interactive physical constants that stretches on for infinity in both directions of the timeline… By comparison the duration of a single human life is then infinitely small… Impossible… We can’t exist mathematically as a unit of measure of infinity… But “I think therefor I am” – Descartes.
I prefer “I love therefor I am” Sun Wu Kong – a.k.a. – Sunny – a.k.a. the Gray Jedi, a.k.a. the love of all your lives… your husband… your king… your sea monster Odr, your knight in tattered armor, your Goblin King. I love you… my goddess, my valkyrie, my savior, my lotus, my Freyja, my flower, my Love. The one who bears the armor of the gods, and wears me proudly, forcing me to be the man you know I am.
Through the entirety of time, Gravity pulls all objects regardless of their mass, down to the earth at an accelerated rate of 9.8 meters per second per second, as it warps the Higgs field… Gravity is simply 2 objects draw together over time… Traveling in a straight line, while gently applying the perfect amount of pressure to touch one another and exchange force. You are my gravity in this love.
No matter how fast you go, the limit of travel through time and space is 299,792,458 meters per second… Objects have set friction and rebound coefficients, light energy of a specific wavelength and magnitude will have the same hue… Linear constants… Predictable… Deterministic… The timeline is set for us, carved in the stone of ages in a 4th dimensional world where there is only one direction and outcome and speed… All matter slowly experiencing entropy, the settling and flattening of a sand castle back to a flat plane… The slow disorganization into balance means the breaking up of “perfect” geometric shapes as they flatten… All objects set in motion have only one possible outcome, all interactions, if given all relative constants have only one possible result regardless of the outcome… Balance… There is no random in the universe… A mathematical impossibility apart from the deterministic random of irrational numbers like Phi and Pi… So there is no real “random chance”… Everything has a cause, a start, a physical reason to be, and all things eventually rest in these constants… All meetings and collisions, all destruction and fractures, all determined by a single push of the big bang, or Buddha’s palm… Everything created will eventually settle back into the controlled decay and simplification of entropy as a slave of physical laws… All but life and consciousness driven by what every religion discovers is the necessity for the universe to exist “Free Will”.
Once you factor in the drives, aesthetics and free will of anything alive… Life is the one thing, that is capable of altering energy through desire, through aesthetics and pleasure pain avoidance or pursuit. Life is the one thing that reverses entropic simplifying and creates structure… Through our willpower we (all life, from a single cell organism to a tree to a butterfly to a cat, to a human) are the only thing that can change that timeline in any way… The only things that use irrational numbers that can be calculated to infinity and never repeat, to form sacred geometric shapes that push us closer to the impossible perfection of order within this chaos of the universe… We are responsible for all beauty, as the beholder and creator. We add meaning, creation, natural selection through our attraction to the golden ratio Phi, another number like Pi, that can be calculated to infinity making perfection a curve approaching it… Impossible in the 4th dimension, it can only survive in our mind… We choose what to create, what to destroy, what to keep safe, what to devour… We survive through a cycle of destruction of living things to sustain our own survival… We can digest only other living organisms and minerals that are building blocks of our carbon based meat machines. We kill to harvest and assimilate, fuel, and repair our decaying machines that we pilot through life… We can also culture life and nurture consciousness into something more beautiful. We are the only things that alter the timeline in any way… But every cel in our body, every particle, is stardust, here from the beginning of time, and remaining to the end of it in ever transitioning forms.
The only measure of time is infinitely small blips of actions we make on an infinitely small decisions resulting in infinitely large ripples Buddhists call Karma. We are bound to this earth by our desire and our vision and our actions… but in those moments we make decisions… Every single one of them altering energy into action for eternity echoing the changes we make to this timeline… Every action infinitely important as we toss a stone into a pond and the ripples spread forever changing everything in the pond…
While these memorable actions fade, the particles on the opposite end of the pond will now now forever change where they would have been before that stone was thrown… But not only the water… The fish in the pond may live or die based on the millimeter space that stone inhabited for that instant… They may evolve differently… The winds above the lake may shift slightly, a leaf will fall to a spot that it wouldn’t have, a butterfly will land somewhere it wouldn’t have… A child may chase that butterfly somewhere it wouldn’t have and somehow be spared or harmed by that act… That is our Karma. In the end the smallest changes echo through time eternally… Every decision made forever eventually changing the pathway of every single molecule in the universe given infinite time. So how do we respond to this power… Awareness of our “impact”… Peace, Love, Kindness, Joy, Awe…
Ephemeral… Something that lasts for a very short time… Like a choice…. When the scale of the timeline is measured to infinity, and moments are measured by the same, both become irrational when measured against each other infinitely small and large are the same… Zero is infinity headed the other direction, meeting at the wrap point of irrationality. Since both become mathematical impossibilities, both don’t exist and yet must exist at the same time… What does it mean then to exist for a “short time” when our impact goes on forever?
We can only be measured by our impact… The decisions we make changing the world… Our Karma, is how our actions rebound through time… “Original Sin” is the eastern version of this concept. We are guilty of making decisions from birth, our childlike innocence, lost as we impact and are impacted by pain we cause or receive.
How do we then live in this infinitely small micro measurement of time with this infinite responsibility? What can we do? Should we fight for survival, hoard wealth? How does that impact the timeline? I can move a piece of paper from one place to another the infinite impact of that paper is virtually meaningless… Sure like a pebble in a pond… Someone may eventually need fire kindling for warmth once money loses its imagined value… that paper came from a tree that could have saved a life. I can forget the importance of every tree…
Or I can reach out and touch the heart of someone beautiful… Someone who will be inspired to spread that love as they traverse infinity in a vessel called a “body”… Someone who can help me build a boulder of happiness to throw into that pond so that every single life around us is soaked by the pleasures and joy we can heave with all our strength into the universe… Grand ideas, hilarity, and laughter… Wonder, Awe. Magic.
I can also simply be aware of my importance… I can be present for you… In every moment with you… Infinitely responsible for the pain and pleasure I cause you… And how that may echo forever in your soul… Knowing you are important, knowing you are loved. I wish I could never make a “small decision” with you… I wish I could have never made a harmless mistake for my own pleasure that echoed in your heart as a loss of trust… Those things will echo forever, I must earn back that trust lost… The smallest crack in foundation will eventually topple the tallest tower given the entropic nature of time… So I can be aware that permanent change is not always the goal of every action and interaction but is the outcome of every breath of air I take in… That sometimes… The importance of action is all that matters… As we return to mend this crack in our foundation together… A labor of love… I will accept you as whatever goddess you need to be today… Shiva the destroyer, Quan Yin the goddess of Mercy, Freyja the goddess of battle and love. I remain your Odr… the wandering god of summer and ecstasy, faithful to his wife even when she cries tears of gold for him when it seems he’s gone wandering away from her.
Yes we are Ephemeral in this life, but I have loved you for 1000 lifetimes, and will continue to love you for 1000 more… I will find you… By the horns of Odin we have on our skin… Just as the Ch’i tattoos helped us find each other in this life (with some help from Match.com, haha). Our actions in every microsecond are the only things that we truly own… Our Time the only value… and I would spend it all on you if you would let me. Forever change your timeline, from one of pain to one of peace, if I am allowed. That makes us, the only true god… all life… combined… All knowing, all powerful, all loving, and all good… If we choose to be.
Each and every action truly the only thing that exists beyond linear constants… The only change. So how do we cope with the “small” life we have? We recognize the importance of it… With every passing moment we bring ourselves to the present, aware that every action has impact… We use those moments… Time… The only true currency, the only true value… To spend our energy loving as fiercely as we can until our time runs out… That is my life with you.
You inspire me to controlled action… You inspire me to use every moment to create ripples for your happiness… I try and fail you so often, but I will never give up… Thomas Edison said “I never failed to make a lightbulb, I simply found 1000 ways not to make one”… Like Edison’s light bulb, I have never failed to love you even if I have found 1000 ways not to.
You inspire me to ensure that what I leave behind is love that echoes off the walls of time forever. My muse, that is what art is for the soul… It is the desire of our spirit to give birth to something that will forever create waves in the pond… To carve your name into a tree with a heart around it to show the world that you were here and you were loved… To try to share the feeling you give me until the end of time so that even though my body is ephemeral the love I feel lasts forever… That is my urgency… My inspiration, my aesthetic, my drive… Is your love… Forget the pebbles… let’s throw ourselves into the lake, hand in hand…
With each word of the day I hope to leave you with breathless inspiration… Today so far i feel as though I inspired myself… I became lost in my own mind, and the word Ephemeral became a playground for my logical brain… I was forgetting my purpose is you and my emotional mind was far too silent… I explored my own excitement about the meaning of life and where eternity takes “me” and “us” and in that moment I drifted into my left brain, my mathematical mind, and explored corners of myself and my psyche… I was entertained by it, and my mind spiraled into a creative loop, that may have been fun for me but in that dizzy roller coaster for you as I lost my center…
I lost you as I spoke of the global impact of all things… My focus slipped from the center of my universe and looked out over the vastness of time and space and I described what I saw “out there”… Then when I completed it, and hit publish, then I read it, and I turned to see you, and realized what I missed in those words…
I was lost in the Ephemeral nature of all things in the universe while this Ætherial beauty that is you is standing right behind me… How could I have missed the idea that even though your actions go on forever rippling through infinite time… the time I have with you is so finite?… So valuable, and something as infinitely small as a moment with you… is so precious that it truly must have infinite worth to me.
Each second I spend with you, is delicate. As light and fleeting and infinitely short as it can be… It gives every moment value greater than the most scarce metal on earth… Each word you speak more valuable to me than the most precious gem… Every touch, a moment I would want to freeze in time and have last forever.
I want to take your breath away in those moments, and give you pause. I want to give you pleasure in those moments that make your body feel the way my mind does when you inspire me. I want to send shivers down your spine and bring tears to your eyes whenever you recognize how much of you I truly know, feel, and appreciate. I want to touch your heart and your soul and lift your spirit and make you feel more loved than you could imagine… and while at times I may want to face outward hand in hand with you towards the universe and play in our little pond we call marriage, and discuss the importance of the actions of conscious minds, and our decisions, and the implications of our place in the physical world, and think on a global scale… I never want to forget to turn inward to you and appreciate the light you shine on me…
To stand in the middle of all things with both your hands in mine and just be lost in your eyes… To see only you in those moments when time stops just for us as we both breath in with tremors as we tremble with each touch. To always know you are there… to stare at the center of my universe, your heart, in awe… to remember the importance and urgency of exploring every curve of your body, every touch of your skin, every thought in your mind, every song in your heart that teaches me it’s melody and inspires me to sing along in perfect harmony when you forget the tune… and all that matters to me in the physical word is the physical matter that makes you real within this life… your skin, your hair, your scent, your touch, and the taste of you on my lips, the sound of your voice in my ear, the feeling of your breath on my neck, and your head against the heart in my chest that beats only for you… You are my center, you are my inspiration, my muse, you are my heart and my spirit, and my Raison d’être ( my reason to be)… You are my everything my goddess. The ephemeral nature of life, is what gives that it’s value, its urgency, and its purpose… My moments with you are the most precious thing that exists… As Ed Sheeran put it
I found a love for me
Darling just dive right in
And follow my lead
Well I found a girl beautiful and sweet
I never knew you were the someone waiting for me
‘Cause we were just kids when we fell in love
Not knowing what it was
I will not give you up this time
But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own
And in your eyes you’re holding mine
Baby, I’m dancing in the dark with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight
Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know
She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I’ll share her home
I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets
To carry love, to carry children of our own
We are still kids, but we’re so in love
Fighting against all odds
I know we’ll be alright this time
Darling, just hold my hand
Be my girl, I’ll be your man
I see my future in your eyes
Baby, I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful
I don’t deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight
Baby, I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
I have faith in what I see
Now I know I have met an angel in person
And she looks perfect
I don’t deserve this
You look perfect tonight