The Word of the Day is “Strategy”

  1. a plan of action or policy designed to achieve a major or overall aim.
  2. the art of planning and directing overall military operations and movements in a war or battle.

When we met, we both agreed that it felt as though we manifested the other just for us. From our physical form, to our mental ingenuity, mutual brilliance, and our spirits that intertwine so perfectly, to our love that is as pure and true as love can possibly be. This manifestation was one that is so perfect, we both realized that it could be too good to be real, so we spent two years testing the metal of our love, commitment, compatibility and strength of our bond… through this we realized first that it was stronger than steel, then that our love is stronger than the atomic bonds of the universe. Like an atomic blast if that bond was ever broken it would lay waste to the world that we created just for each other. We have a responsibility to know that bond is both strong and volatile if ever pushed to its limits. Even though it is the strongest bond we know of, even though breaking that is one that would be nearly impossible to break, should still be respected for its power… This requires a strategy… for the bonds of the physical, the mental, the spiritual, and the love that we share between us… It requires an energy pact with all the members of our home.

Having manifested this universe so that we could exist in it… the universe is now ours to experience together. As we embark on a quest to heal from a lifetime of trauma, we realized and manifested into reality, we now must identify the overall aim, the goals and the mutually agreed upon plan of action. One we agree on together as an entire family, and refuse to break no matter what. A blood pact, carved in our flesh, with our lives as collateral… like confident soldiers entering combat, a plan where above all no one will be left out, no one is behind or forgotten. Like Lilo and Stitch, even though Stitch was a killing machine “Ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind, or forgotten”. So let us lay out our aim, and formulate a plan of action for the protection and safety of our nigh-unbreakable bonds of family.

The Physical Bond:

This overall aim of the physical plan is the most simple. The physical represents “the real”… The tangible. The theme is easy: All mutually pleasurable activities should be experienced, all mutual pleasure we receive in this life, in any form, from anyone, will be embraced by us and cherished and enjoyed without fear. No one will ever feel forced, or abandoned if they cannot follow. The physical bond between us will be protected through constant care and physical awareness of one another’s emotional states. We will use the safe word “spiral” if one of us feels attacked or threatened. This means that every Touch, sight, verbal contact can be allowed without worry but whenever needed we can all back down if we ever feel physical response of fear or anger. We will be honest and true to each other boldly yet only speak to our own emotional feelings without blaming the others for feeling this way. We will not pressure or force anyone to make admissions or apologize for who they are or how they feel. We will not beg or even ask for something that the other clearly would have to bend their aesthetics or their own morals to accomplish. We will not demand disconnection from members of our extended families but we may ask that secrets remain secrets within the home and that discussions not be had about one of us when we are not present to respond to them… No “talking behind each other’s backs” with secret discussions that one of us is not allowed to hear or see in writing. We will back down the moment someone is feeling attacked, even if that feels “imagined” to the other members of the home… if someone does not want to participate in something at that moment, we will respect their mental headspace and agree to “table it” for the time being until that member of this family is ready to hear it, or a true neutral mediator can be found. None of us will be asked to “take one for the team” and sacrifice their mental health for the others.

We will promise to back out of scenarios when they cease to be aiding in the recovery for one of us. We will return to being just partners, two married couples, alone… whenever necessary for any one of us to have some alone time. We will never be separate or secretive when we hold discussions about our health. In this we respect that our physical bond to one another is the only thing we choose to act on, out of love, never fear, doubt, anger, or regret. Love must be the only bond we have, there must be no taking sides or sub-committees to “fix” someone… Once we return to “normal life”, we will regroup with our spouse alone… assess, discuss, adjust, and we will always be available to one another to reconnect and comfort for as long as the other requires.

The Mental Bond:

The aim of the mental plan is that neither of us should carry un-addressed regret or scars, so neither of us will discount the other’s mental state or emotional state whenever we are feeling lost, alone, or afraid. No matter how “silly” something sounds, or how unwarranted or unthinkable a fear or concern in, they will be heard… we will respect them completely and adapt or adjust to their needs in the moment. The past is in the past and cannot change, so no mistakes will be held over each other or brought up in times when we are trying to adjust our reactions in the future moving forward… apologies given will put to past to rest… As Christians confess their sins, this must be allowed and understood and those sins and confessions cannot be used as tools or weapons for later “proof”.

As we have all attempted to be healed from wounds and regrets for the others, our aim is to produce as few more injuries as possible. Pain from our past is still raw pain when it is used against us. We can do this through absolute honesty, and absolute acceptance, with compassion and instant forgiveness… the second blood pact that forgiveness will be given the moment it is asked for… we will take a deep breath, accept it, and allow the family to move forward. We must consider this: Nothing can be perfect, no one can be perfect, and even the “best” families in the world have trauma and problems that need to be addressed with fearless unconditional love and support. This means there is no amount of pain that should be locked away, shut out, or used as a tool.

You are perfect for me, no one could take you away, and no one could be better for me than you. I am perfect for you, the notion of another being better is bordering on insanity. I know this as fact… and that allows our bond by saving certain truths in a vault just for each other. We as married couples can not allow ourselves to break those trusts. We need to be as solid first as parents, as head of this household, and then as family. Children need to be left out of certain discussions between us, just as we expect an even demand that our married children have secrets they don’t share with us as well. This third blood pact, is to put our marriage first, because when the marriage is healthy the children feel it, and when the marriage is tested, the children feel that worse than anyone. We all need our small marital problems to remain small, and secret. We need to be a united front. Any bond that could exist in the known universe can be broken, we need this one to be unbreakable.

I will remind myself that I have loved you for a million lifetimes, and no one can take you from me, even when I feel left out. You can protect our bond, by the mental realization that I am allowing you this life without payment, even when you feel I am expecting it. I am doing this without expected return, with few rules aimed at little sacrifice… because I allow it, I am GIVING it to you… through my unconditional love, I am the one giving you my life. If we realize this, and are mentally grateful to each other for every ounce of joy and security, to know that in those moments of being tested I see only you. If you can find a way to believe that is always my intention, I hope you can believe that I don’t ask for payment in return for my love, or my life.

The Spiritual Bond:

The aim of this life beyond immediate needs (food, water, safety, security, shelter)… is expansion and exploration of our mutual spirit and the beauty of this world we live in… We are seeking to be there as shining example for our children of what love should look like. The realization our spirit is not our consciousness, it is the combination of all our aesthetics being washed by the river of unconditional love. The spirit that inhabits this body of sensation longs for exploration, contact with all beauty in all its forms. You bury your face in a bouquet of roses that I give to you and inhale deeply without the feeling that the scent in some way betrays me. The rose is not me… it is a gift from me. I would not deny you anything that helps you feel present and alive. We will explore the beauty and joy, learning, and awe of this universe without fear of reprimand or theft. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, the metaphorical roses are all the beauty of the world that surrounds you in this moment… the only time we are ever alive… Today… right now.

We will protect this bond by knowing that our spirit is one. The spirit cannot die, it is an unbreakable force that death itself has no power over. We have blended our auras into one of beautiful warm teal… My yellow and your blue with some of our white light that shines through us both. we have committed to an eternity of protecting each other’s souls from harm before we entered this world together. We want to allow this exploration to build our awareness of ourselves, so that we may open up like a flower and be loved for all our beauty without fear of being plucked and placed in a vase to die slowly, coveted and sheltered. We will protect this with absolute honesty… we will never ask the other to change their color but when we come together as a family we will mix into that beautiful shade of blue green that we surround ourselves with. We will not deny the nature and reality of the spirit. Most importantly we will embrace every corner of our spirits as we explore, as a gift from each other.
The Love Bond:

The aim of this one is to build stronger love and understanding between us all, without conditions or ultimatums. The plan is not hard to remember… Don’t do anything dishonest, or secret. The betrayal of the heart is only in the lie. Share every message, text, thought, excitement, feeling (apart from the secret trusts we keep only for each other as a couple)… I will frolic with you in the pool of the fantasies in your heart without sharing them with anyone. We have total honesty between us, and when you hide things from me it creates doubt and fear that our trust is shattered. When you shut me out in your mind and spirit, I become excluded from the life you are allowing your mind to create for you. When I am excluded from a delightful future you can imagine, that future becomes possible without me.

You may feel afraid to open up… But I assure you, the secret is what breaks us. As we both know, love is a powerful force, however, we both know that the night we CHOSE to love each other was the night we opened the gates of our hearts and actually allowed it in. Every time we overcame doubts, and fears, and share freely, those are moments that protect not test or hurt this bond. Never… no matter who is banging at that door, no matter how hard they scream and yell, no matter how big their battering ram is at our gates, no matter how beautiful they might seem… should be allowed to open our private gates. We don’t share deep doubts, or fears with others if we can not share them with each other first and agree then to share them with others. We may turn to them for advice, but we don’t allow those bonding moments like we shared unless we mutually agree they can be shared. I may have failed at this as you may have as well… we must go back to trust.

Any who try to force us to extract those moments will become enemies of love (outside of our therapists who have legally binding confidentiality . For others, we share what the other allows, and otherwise we push them out of the gates and lock the doors behind them. While our love will always survive, it will no longer be pure and unique and only for each other if we break trust.

I pledge to you, and would ask you to pledge to me, that this bond will be the most protected and coveted… I can never own your mind, and I would never ask for your spirit… but i need to have faith that my secrets remain secret. Trust cannot survive unscarred and without regrets once plucked and given to someone I don’t share absolute trust bonds with even though I have committed to loving them unconditionally as I have all your children…

The plan complete, the aim made clear, the strategy designed… We deploy as a soldiers, ready to conquer the greatest love of the world… By each other’s side, without weapons.

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