- 1. the process by which different kinds of living organisms are thought to have developed and diversified from earlier forms during the history of the earth.
- 2. the gradual development of something, especially from a simple to a more complex form.
Today I write directly to you my wife… The woman who wants a wedding that we should have had. So I will ask you once again the question I have asked you hundreds of times… “will you marry me”…
and I hope to once again hear your beautiful reply that I have heard a hundred times over…
Where have we evolved to in the past couple years bathing in the light of this love together?
My gut says to discuss the evolution of the species, and talk about the process of how through natural selection the guiding force of the universe creates aesthetics that we are attracted to, and through this attraction we drive our own evolution as a species… that we are intelligently designed in this way, and if one believes in evolution then one must recognize the existence of a guiding force behind it called LIFE and consciousness. Aesthetics which scientists like to refer to as “instinct” drive this… I love tall amazon-like warrior women. Large breasts, wide hips, thin muscular bodies, soft lips, rough tongues. Why? For some reason my “Instinct” tells me that’s what I want based on millions of years of those traits contributing to the survival of the species. I also love intellectual conversation, science fiction, fantasy, romance, rock music, philosophy, movies, laughter, and our sex life. Why? The same reason… somehow somewhere in our collective unconscious I evolved the desire for creative exploration and invention, and to procreate with those who want the same.
You have evolved to seek strength, size, weight… A stern man full of power with a soft demeanor and bleeding heart. You “love the strange and the colorful”… You allow the playful whimsical nature of a boy who decided never to grow up, who would never let you down.
Which means that through some miracle of genetic memories of our ancestors, we have evolved to look for exactly each other. Through millions of years of evolution of our genetic line leading to these bodies… these machines… has somehow miraculously pushed us to be born with the other already on our mind… “the dream of you”.
I know you told me once that you have dreamed of me… I know I have always searched specifically for you. As far back as I can remember I have had that ray of hope of finding you. I know I have seen the vision of your form in my mind. I have traveled through many lives with the almost impossible chance, that millions of years of fear and death and pain experiences that prevented the survival of my lineage would have resulted in alternate aesthetics that would have lead me away from you… Yet here we are… in this miracle of reproductive-drive-lead instinctual evolution that made me want you to be my partner, my mate, with every fiber of my being…
Yet that alone wasn’t enough to allow me to find you. That’s just biology and a scientist would claim its “random chance” that I happen to want exactly you… though we know better… “there you are” we both said as we walked towards each other in a garage, knowing we had branded ourselves with the same tattoo ten or fifteen years before. We knew before we spoke “you are the one”.
…but that’s not what this word is about today. it’s not about getting lost in the math or the science of evolution… it’s about the evolution of the hand of fate in our lives that has pushed us closer together until we can’t see where one of us ends and the other begins. That same hand of fate that then tore us apart until we felt the pain of what that separation could mean for the joy in our lives that quickly fled into darkness. The result was the evolution of faith that I now have in us… in forever. That belief, that knowledge of what life without you would mean… that has evolved rapidly over the past couple of months, through trials and tests… I have been pushed towards the evolution of a single thought… a single outcome from all of this stress and challenge… Only one thought remains
“I know that I am yours… forever”
Finding each other was more than a lifelong desire of ours, it was the plan of the universe. Every time I made decisions to pull myself in another direction I felt fear, doubt, even crippling anxiety… My soul instinctively knows the direction and decisions that lead in your direction and it screamed at me to go the other way whenever I was taking a path leading me away from you. Joel came through to me at moments where I would lose you completely, even saving my life on the day of my motorcycle accident screaming “Stop” so loud I heard it over the scream of the motor. He pointed me towards shortcuts to you. Breaking me free of a relationship that he pushed me away from… a relationship that humbled me, broke me, taught me the value of respecting the heart I hold in my hands and never, ever, putting it second. He showed me that love needs to be tended to daily, like a perfect garden. I learned it will whither if ever forgotten or taken for granted. Love is a cup forever draining, and should never be left unattended. I will always try to ensure your cup overflows my love. When I realized this, when I knew I would never fail you, never forget to worship my goddess… Never make a promise I couldn’t keep. I evolved quickly in order to connect with you, evolved in order to find you. I was finally ready for you… and there you were.
My willpower alone would not have been enough. So the universe gave me other signs. It dropped a crystal back in my hands to help me hear Joel’s voice more clearly (because I believed it would… the power of symbology forcing the psyche to act and attract). It helped me discover my old clothing in the back of my closet, so that I could become my true self once again, just to meet you in a form you would know was the true me… the tiger putting back on its stripes just for you. I found a hat I had lost and placed it back on my head. I felt like that same tiger extending its claws for the first time in years, to stretch and know my power. When I had rebounded from rock bottom, when I devolved back to my true self, and then evolved to become more this man than I have ever allowed myself to be…Then all the signs shifted in one direction… pointed my way home… to you.
As if every road sign pointed down one-way streets, and if I looked back, the path was crumbling behind me telling me there was only one direction… You… there was no choice but you in the universe. I found you and I knew, in an instant that you were the one. So I followed, and then chased… My test was to not give up, or seek another… I watched you online every day, waited for you to find my messages. I continued to pursue, not just because I wanted you, because I was absolutely sure you wanted me.
Then you responded and affirmed everything I had already known “Star Wars of course”… I knew I found you. I had to have my last temptations before we met, and when I found no interest in the possible entanglement of flesh with the wrong being, I rejected it… even in a drunken state, I knew that the meaningless contact of skin had nothing to teach me, that you were now my purpose. When I texted you that night at 2am and told you that you gave me hope, you didn’t withdraw from fear, because somewhere, somehow you knew I was right. That you were my hope, and I would be yours. Even though we had never met, I was already committed to you.
We met, and this is where evolution truly began together. From the instant we saw the sign of the same tattoo, to the first time I saw you smile, to the first time I saw your walk in the garage as you strutted towards me… I evolved again. I lost my ego completely in that first day we spent together. I no longer wanted for me… I wanted only for you. I wanted you to realize who you were… the goddess I saw standing before me. I wanted you to know, that I saw her, understood her, loved her entirely… so that I could worship everything that you become in your evolution into the true self, completely safe to be all that you love.
That week you evolved before me, I saw you transform from mortal to goddess so quickly that I am not sure I ever truly met the mortal being you once were. The deep conversations, the emotional scars healed, the breakthroughs we made, the beliefs we shared and revealed to one another. The passion of making love that first time and realizing how we seemed to be sculpted to fit perfectly together, as if we were made as one being and separated. The day I realized every love song I knew, now had new meaning. The evolutionary shifts of my soul filling me with merciful tears of joy. Even the moment of concern that I had died and you were heaven… shifted me. “you moved me”… even that sentence has new meaning. You moved me… you shifted my spirit to a new level of consciousness with your love, acceptance, understanding, belief, trust… My goddess you changed me without altering me… You helped me evolve into what I always was and always have been. A more perfect version of me, the man who deserved to love you, who I had somehow lost along the journey of trying to be loved.
Only affirming that you were real, I realized that weekend that you were my goddess of mercy and that our love story has gone on my entire life and ended happily on the day we met. Our relationship evolved, like trees growing together, forever intertwined as we grow. Knowing you are the personification of Freyja, my goddess of love, battle, and mercy, has helped me to explore the possibility of my own godlike abilities and find myself as a being of light. It has helped me evolve into something more than I have ever been in life. The sentence you uttered in those first days that stood out in my mind “they never tried to make you normal, they tried to make you mortal”.
My flower you have opened my eyes to the universe and opened my heart to the evolution of my spirit. You have given me purpose and forced evolution of my soul into a more enlightened state. You have reinforced my beliefs in every way I can imagine. You have helped me learn to become my true self… This evolution will continue… I can feel it. We are going to rupture this plane of reality, and be a piece and part of that catalyst for the world to change… Others will see our proof in these pages… the miracles we will conjure into existence. We will birth so much beauty into the world between the two of us, as a product of our love, that it will forever alter the timeline of the universe for the better. How can any ounce of true unconditional love not cause this kind of metamorphoses for anything it touches. That is what we are evolving into, our relationship is becoming in this lifetime, what it has always been since the beginning of time. True. Pure. Unconditional. Unbreakable… Immortal love.
We are not just proving and pushing the evolution of our bodies. We are pushing the evolution of our spirits, and through that we are pushing the evolution of the source of life. We have made such a large impact already that the source has noticed and is helping us along through every sign it delivers to us. I believe this guiding force will become stronger in our lives, and we will evolve to become more powerful than we can imagine today, if at nothing else… the gift of making eachother feel complete.
Capable of manifesting anything we desire for the world into reality through our love, together because our desires become so simple… “I want this love to stay”. We will have experiences in this life we cannot possibly imagine, because we will not force them to be what we imagine they should. We will experience the nature of heaven because the gates are open to us when we open our hearts to each other. Open not because we pounded our fists against the gate filled with rage and hate and dissatisfaction with the suffering the universe has given us (or we have given ourselves, when we failed to listen), but because we fell backward into the pool of each other’s love with complete trust in the safety and serenity of it. We let the warmth of the universe surround us, and show us the way when we were finally ready to see it, embrace it, appreciate it, and always protect it.
We are listening now, so this precious message can be received. We have evolved to see color for the first time, see light in shadows, see the gift of hope that we never let go of in our past sadness… We more than believe in this evolution, we know it is happening, we feel it… and it continues to help us spread our wings so that when we fall deeper in love, we know we can fly. My love is a key, your love is a lock… together we opened our minds and bodies… we fit together and open the door to the next life of this journey… together we are unlocking the evolution of our souls, as we spend this life growing together as one, inventing and creating pleasure for ourselves and that love floods the shadows that were once around us and covers the world in a new light.
You are my evolution, back to the source of life… Back to pure love. You have made me evolve into the being you saw me to be. The man who you so often ask what you asked on our very first date…
“can I keep you”
and my reply is always the same…
“Only if you keep me forever”.